My intention with this spiritual and meditative journey was to go deep within my psyche and do some healing to remove the subconscious barriers standing between me and my desires. Two nights before this I dreamt that I cut open a small spiritual statue I own and in my dream I replaced the head of the statue with the outstretched open-palmed hand, and the very night after this journey I dreampt I was climbing high up a mature tree and pulling down the old, dry branches – so, if the inherent symbolism of my dreams is any indication then I think it’s safe to say I did progress greatly in the desired direction of my intentions.
So after a beautiful day spent at the beach with my father, and an evening spent journaling and eating frozen yogurt, I am seated here tonight listening to good music and transcribing my notes verbatim from this meditation.
The first set of notes were taken first thing in the morning after spending the night meditating with candles and music. The next were written in my journal in the park near my house after waking from a deep slumber.
The Immortal Soul
- To became one with the soul is to meet your loneliness, to feel oneness with the sadness of life, to have seen the full spectrum of being human
- To understand the human experience is to innately feel it
- To transcend a human experience is to have one
- It’s all oneness – as it is, with my lot as a man
- To be imperfect is perfect
- The point of anxiety is no anxiety
- Once anxiety has given you something abandon it
Embracing Your Tribe (Your Humanity)
- A part of every human desires death (Freud?), but it’s escape they want
- We are all our fathers
- There’s no escaping your tribe (being human)
- Forgiving your tribe (and yourself) requires embracing all of it – because you’ve seen it (good and bad)
- There is no forgiving yourself for what you didn’t do
- Don’t hate yourself for being a good guy
- Being human is messy
This Thing Called Life
- Everything’s already happened before in the universe’s eyes
- It’s a painting, not a masterpiece [life]
- No meaning will make sense of it
- No writing can encapsulate it
- It’s what is
- Life’s fair for neither sex
- But you’ve got to claim a seat at the table to eat
- There is such a thing as evolutionary consciousness
- Suffering is shared amongst humanity
- It’s not your job to suffer for all of humanity
- Make right of your life
- Make it yours entirely
- Life is a romance
- And a comedy
- Don’t try and relive anyone else’s coming of age
- You can’t win it because it never ends
- There’s no arrival point in life
- You are here
- Attitude and outlook is everything
- Life is an evolutionary process
- Your life can only be as good as you make it
- Will Smith gets it (see end of post)
- Rise up. Rise above.
- No one can deny you your frame
- Perception is everything
From my journal
- Really saw my situation in a much needed light. Many realizational facets of it but mainly a sense of my share of being a human being.
- And a deep sense that no one can deny what you bring into consciousness.
- And consciousness is reality and our perception dictates what we experience.
- No one can deny you your frame.
- – redacted re: childhood shame, and learned inner programming about self-worth –
- I feel like last night I reconnected with both my innocence and an ancient part of me – my ancient masculine
- But facing the ancient masculine, and your masculine sexuality is about owning your lot as a man. To take what you’ve been given in life and (use that energy to) make it better.
- Anyway, I’m tired of over-analyzing, over-thinking – I need to acknowledge the anxious insecurity of that.
- I’m ready to live. No one big answer is going to give me the ticket to that.
- I’ve got to live. My life is my life. My name is my name.
- I don’t want to live through the lens of sad songs.
- I want to change the tone of my life from the (American) narrative of “I’m a hardworking man with a good heart, just trying to make it” – to “I’m Lawrence Black, cut from the same cloth as the greats, and I am an openhearted soul-rebel and I am thriving!”
- Last night was facing the shame of the wild man and accepting that life is facing the shame but seeing that it is false – it’s a part of life, of being human to feel that [shame], but part of being human is also seeing that the greatness exists as well.
Bonus: Get Jiggy With Serious Truth