In Darkness, Light

It’s been a long time,
A long time running in the woods
Crying on tree stumps,
Mourning yesterday

These shadow games I’ve played
Setting the stakes against myself
The yields of low expectations,
Leading me time and time again to the precipice of my own demise
Thinking, this can’t be life

I never meant to become who I was
I never meant to cut the wings from angels
Never meant to live in the clutch of vice
Lying to maidens fair, far, and faithless
So distant from the firm clutch of soft thighs

I am one who is has been unfaithful to his own religion, foe to himself
Woe to he who he denies the existence of his own demons,
Who beside himself finds not a friend
There are no words that can speak these inaudible pains

But try I must,
For this indifference has taken me down,
Beneath the depths I swam at twenty-three
Seven years later and I’m still breaking stones
Famished desires gnawing at my lonely bones
We once had a home,
Yeah and yadda yadda yadda,
I can’t look back down that road

Tonight I miss the grandfathers I never got to know
As a grandchild I am an orphan,
Dying for the love of ghosts
Living for the love of a family I don’t yet know

And from here, the quiet, barren shore,
Where will I go
What dreams flow in the August breeze

Tell me G-d
Promise me more
Show me I can trust myself
That I don’t have to go to bed hurting tonight
That in darkness,
I will find light


Note: I have a fairly large number of drafts saved – I do not know how many, but I suspect the number considerable. This was written this past week, and, being that it still resonates, I am publishing it tonight (5th Sept) as I lay awake, too lazy to sleep. As far as those other drafts, perhaps they will be published in a volume when I have attained the kind of literary fame to warrant such a thing, perhaps, even, posthumously. But if there is one thing I have learned this year, it is that telling myself I will go back and complete an incomplete piece of poetry or prose is a damned lie. – Law

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