I’m writing tonight because it’s what I do.
Also, I have a duty to myself, I have a duty to write – even when I am happy – in fact, I wouldn’t even mind making a habit of it.
And frankly: I am happy.
And sure, life goes on: that Thai place wasn’t that great tonight, and it wasn’t cool when I bumped into that girl at Starbucks after, while with the girl I am now seeing (Not to mention the girl who works there – ahem,… but that is another story).
And no, I am no player. Not in my nature.
But it is nice to no longer sit at home thinking:
Oneday, I will be able to give a girl the life I want for myself…
I shudder just thinking of how blind [ignorant] I was.
Thankfully, I eventually said fuck that noise and I stopped being a bitch.
I wish I had some profound answer, but, eventually, you just gotta decide to quit being lame, and own your life.
And sure, the profound helps – but ultimately, it is up to you to make your life awesome.
And if you think it’s more complex than that, then please: go have a look at all the happy, successful, dumb mo’fuckers stunting on yo ass.
Today, there is more salt in a single liter of San Pellegrino than there is in all my philosophy.
Anyone following the evolution of myself and my writing this year can see that the clouds have lifted.
For the first time in far too long: I am in a great place. And – let me tell you – it has been a long time coming; for I see now that somewhere along the way, the clouds had become the sky and the mood had faded into a disposition.
Thankfully, there are three things capable of altering a person’s disposition – three things that let us see the clouds long after we have ceased taking notice of them.
These alchemical balms or, rather, solvents of consciousness are:
Love, G-d, and Psychedelics.
And the irony is that they are, in effect, all the same: for they all leave you with a deeper sense of gratitude, a greater sense of wonder, and a clearer understanding of life.
These are the very things that wash the salt away from the human soul.
Without the three craziest things known to man, I would have lost my mind a long time ago.
And – please – do not romanticize them; Love, G-d, and Psychedelics are no substitute for inward gazing – instead, think of them as alternative lenses through which, in moments of pure experience, stripped of your personality, you may see life for what it is rather than what you have unconsciously accepted it to be.
Perception is a filter – and once you have learned how to examine the filter, you will never again be blinded by it.
Now: I choose my perspective. I recognize today that I simply did not believe myself deserving of much these past five years – and, even now, I have to remind myself that I, indeed, am not only deserving but that I deserve far greater things than I have ever imagined for myself.
Let them be salty.
I inspire –
I acquire what I desire –
And my girl gets what she requires –
Cause all she wants is we to perspire
So I feel healthy, like kind buds
She and I: we good buds
She a kind girl and my kinda girl
She say, I got that good D
I give her a vitamin, she swallow me
When she want takeout: I eat box
White boy swag: I beat box
Three times a day, no role play
And her body smooth like a rich girl
Only she ain’t no starbucks bitch girl
Got class, like 18 units
At the dining hall, we ball till we fall
Fuck me sober, cause I’m always over
Never under – but I get top
She young and sexy: halter tops
And I hope we never stop
And she says: “No one can tell us no.”
And she know, I love dat cookie doh