Sadboy Phase is Over: Enter LongCon

One last poem, ’cause I got talent for days,
And excuse me, prize comittee, but we live in a different day and age –
Besides the kids needs swag, the world needs my juice,
So my sadboy phase is over
I’m on my Lady Gaga,
My Lin Manuel Miranda,
My Steinbeck, my Emerson, Jack London, Dumas, Victor Hugo –
Here we go
I’m getting famous
Think I might cross over seas and meet a KateSaintYves
I deserve the cash, and the prizes
Because I have a good message:
Radical love, forgiveness, acceptance, inclusivity –
Come on, the collective is gonna wanna fuck wit me
You can’t hold down My Chi,
My Prana, yer not my momma,
But I’ll keep you safe, in my memory
You’re wild to bet against me with your energy
Hope you’re genuinely happy
No spite, my soul’s clear like Sprite,
But i’m sugar and sucker free,
BC I’m kind but I’m not naive and sweet
He stays safe now,
My inner child,
He knows how,
I am the archer, he drives the chariot,
Man, I remember that girl Harriet,
Hooked up w my best friend in front of my face in Hawaii,
Wanted me to go travel and pay for her and me,
Thots on Holiday,
So hard to find depth these days
I’m gonna get with a Lena Dunham,
Just to feel like Adam Driver,
But I’ve already done that
And spoiled girls, I’m done w em
I’m no longer trying to find her
She is me,
Non-binary
Holy trinity:
The true Royal We
Self: divine masculine
Anima: divine feminine
Inner child: god
This is the recipe,
Not what Kendrick sold
The women, weed, and weather all change,
Only self is constant,
Never any games:
I’m sober and chaste,
No Fap
So its all coming fast
You better do a hex on me but not even Satan could fuck with my energy,
He reveres me,
God fears me
Because I already went to hell as a child,
I already grew up and went wild
I already lived without a penny and a friend,
I AM Legend,
Because I know I never end
Iron Out The Maiden,
I’m made like Shahmen,
Plus I’m a shaman
Eating mushrooms like nootropics
When you have a bright mind,
It’s a good fix
Because the chemtrails, the floride, all number of things,
Are meant to dim the Brights like me
Shout to Max Landis, though he never replied to me
I’ll see you at the top bro
GQ Party
I got all sorts of heroes,
Disabled and Trans
Follow @aaron___philip
Because we transform and transcend
Elevate the culture,
Let the Fox News viewers die off
Yeah we fucking savage, we’ve had enough
Underwater blasting and deforestation,
It’s a perlilous time for mother earth and the nation
They capitalize on Capitol Lies
There’s a place in hell Bush sr lies –
Too soon, fuck your views
He was a war on drugs demon
Putting black kids in jail –
I’ve always said, the problem with politics is the kind of people who want to go into it,
Your highscool class presidents,
Ass wipes,
Only it’s prepschool whites
GOP, White Knights
r/niceguys
Yeah, aight
But for reals, as a writer and a collective freedom fighter,
I want to urge that smart, sensitive kid out there to seek the limelight he hates,
So he can sacrifice himself and save the world,
Sound familiar?
Star Wars is real,
And there is a darkside
It’s alll fear,
And so we all hide,
From whats different,
Tribalism, Nationalism,
Toxic shit
And cops beat their spouses at twice the national rate,
We don’t need a police state
We need a place for the kids to feel safe,
Where medical care is a right,
And we dedicate our lives to honoring life
All of it, from trees to seas,
Watch Avatar again,
James Cameron
Aloha Ke Akua shit
We’re committing ecocide on the planet
Think hell’s not real?
Try being a Bile Bear
Look that fucking wikipedia up
The world is so much more ugly and fucked up than screens have us believe
Imagine building those phones in a neon lit factory –
There is levels to it
And if you’re white, male,
You were born at the top
Convervatives hate this shit,
Because they’re victims
Blame the brown ones,
Christine Blasey Ford: blame the women
No responsability
So we feel like we have no response-ability
This is bigger than me
And even I need healthcare to survive, so I can see my mission complete
‘In Time’ is already here, the poor die young,
Dying in our wars for oil,
Screaming “Semper Fi” – “Always Faithful”,
To what?
Tyranny,
A meat grinder for our children fighting overseas,
Under the guise of freedom, patriotism,
Oh how the loyal believe
They’re the biggest fans of our new American oligarchy
And look what they did to Khashoggi,
Our “Allies”
They’re killing people
This is disgusting
Even my poems put me on lists,
The intel state watches all of us
We don’t even want to know the truth
Because if they wanted to derail you,
There’s no lengths they wouldn’t go to
So I’ve got some advice for you
Keep quiet, play it long.

Like Luke Cage

Okay, you rattled my cage
But I’m strong, like Luke Cage…

I love these peeps
Oh your love is dirt cheap (I don’t even know who TF they are..)

So I throw you on the heap…
…You don’t believe in me…

Don’t have a clue
But I do.

I see it,
I see me!

All the more dififcult by virtue of the fact I am unique,
Not a repeat

Not insecure away from society,
Not needing approval

Not giving a damn –
Simply because I can: I AM

But you throw a word around you wouldn’t even give me,
So forgive me

For calling out your hipocrisy,
Obvi trying to hurt me – petty

Deny it,
There’s no hiding it

God, were breakups this petty in 10bc?
Like, let me go grunt with these random cave peeps

Meanwhile i’m listening to Kesha,
‘Praying’
And in my darkest hours, I got Peep, so love to you and your “peeps” –

I’m headed to Malibu, bu
And I really wanted to stay close to you

But you froze me out
Made me feel sickly – gout

So I’m cuttin the hoes off,
Like Sears accounts in The Great Depression

But there is no depression, no doubt
Believe it without a doubt

I have plenty of love to give,
I forgive

I am free,
I longer need you to love me

Chase what you withheld,
Put me in a custom hell

I was addicted to that pain
Stuck playing an ugly game

As my boy Peep Sings:

“You know its fucked when the pain feels nice,
Cheap liquor on ice, niice”

From an angel to an ingrown toenail,
The feather that is soft on one end is sharp on the other

You were my soul sister,
I was your soul brother

But “hell hath no fury…”
And I did scorn thee

If that’s lost on you, doesn’t suprise me,
You were never wild about my poetry

Keri loved it,
Sheri did the wounding

You soothed me,
But I was still a beast

So i’m listening to Halsey,
Without me

And you’ll probably block me,
But you’ll always live in me

I’ll never exile you from my heart,
I don’t design sad games

And the best and the worst I could say of my exes,
Is they are all the same

I picked ’em,
A poor boy chasin’ uptown girls

Now i’m attracting rucas,
And the whole world

It’s all opening,
After you’ve closed on me

And I owe you a grattitude,
For perfectly wounding me

Showing me that my superpower is also my kryptonite, and that which heals,
Can also kill

So I’m watching that Sundress video,
And I see, you were the girl with the gun

The girl with the broken smile,
So I’m Brennan Savage Numb

And this is high art,
So savor one of your last cameos

One day, any day, soon, not too many years,
I’m breaking through

My first story done,
My first novel on the run

I put down 3,363 words so far this week,
And I’m far from feelin’ meek

I’m on a designer diet
And I quit weed, cigs, booze

Even self-pleasure
No more VR porn

So, like, literally,
You freed me

I’m over here feelin like,
“iced out – no stylist”

And I’m a hero too,
In the mountains alone

Vibes on fleek in this once sad home,
Remember how fuckin’ awful it was

And I still loved you,
Never stopped

You prob roll your eyes,
Enjoy those other guys

They’re far better for you than I,
You got dunning krugered with me

Not deep enough to swim in my sea,
But you were good to me

Even if sometimes we drowned
But now I’m bouyant alone

So I’m gonna “ice out my bones”
Mr. Nonbinary, mountains, home alone

I feel like Selena Gomez (Wolves)
And I’m gonna marry an Ocasio Cortez

Wolf Waldo,
You helped shape em

But damn if you aren’t mean,
Low towards me

And then what felt like a low blow towards me,
My little boy soul

You know I had fuckin abandonment,
You know what you meant

But whatever
I got my Dua Lipa IDGAF emergy

Because, sadly,
You don’t love me

And that’s okay,
I got me

That’s more than I had w you
I was spent thin, holdin us down

Told the the story a million times,
A follower’s no good for me

But you’ve got sainthood in my book Jane,
Even if you intentially cause me pain, which you do

So I hate this poem,
See that like you, it’s a waste of my energy

But it least this poem soothes me,
Loves me

And honestly,
I hope your peeps love you too

Because like Ari Grande,
I got no tears left to cry for you

In My Lucid Eyes // Dance Monkey, 💃

Slither, slither
Hiss at me

Wear a happy mask
Hide your bankrupt heart

Go and suck off your neckbeard,
Swim in your cool tonight

Just a low blow,
She knows

But I’ll never pine for her again,
Pearls in the jaws of swine

Yeah it hurt,
As arrows of outrageous fortune do (And shame is no doubt a faint shadow in her once dear heart..)

But I create magic from pain,
Turn cross venom into gold (Via my absolutely motherfuckin marvelous art.)

Eat a few stems – no caps,
And find burning man in my brain

Hurt me more
And I’ll become more powerful

She knows not,
But propels this rise

Letting me see me,
And her – in my lucid eyes –

I shudder, but I’m leaving her atmosphere:
I’m a meteor

So try again and I’ll rise faster,
I love watching this disaster, dance monkey, dance.


ps. I respect actual monkeys (@PETA ;)

Little Wolf

There is a Little Wolf,
Far from the left coast, but everywhere –
Not like those mean thots –
And She and I know, I ought not use that word, think like that,
But they’re not like her,
Haven’t overcome their egos like she does everyday –
She makes even great girls seem basic,
Her values,
Her integrity, her sobriety
Her fierce truthfulness – true beauty
Good enough to be the mother of your children,
And she’ll make you good enough to be their father
For you must rise to meet her on that level,
Of truth,
Which honors her, and shows in how you live, how you think
She makes you worthy of her – of yourself
For she sees no difference from your heart, where she dwells,
As the lens you wanna see everything through
She is the Queen that makes men Kings,
The divine one, the pearl,
Counterweight to your soul
Sculptor of your fate,
God in a pair of boots and a skirt
Bad bitch (and not boujee at all)
She is a warrior for the collective, the whole
Little Wolf is unforgettable
And you hope you can be like Her
Because she has wisom,
Taught you that consciousness is a full time gig,
And made you want to work at it,
Gave you belief forever.

unconditional

outcomes and incomes,
and what the judge says
who knows
i just have these damn wants
these sufferings
these attachments:
the things i count on,
they whittle at me in uncommon hours
even after i gave up escapes;
tired of being a dopamine fiend,
i traded fear for calm and trust,
(but i still need to know what the judge says…)
i still wonder about my chariot, still wonder about this christmas…
oh how tiring it is to care,
to look at the calendar, to want to be sure;
“man is born free and everywhere he goes he is in chains…”
and still, there remains no liberation in a discourse, a treatise, a pamphlet, a goal,
only in the present moment, in me, accepting myself with love:
no matter what, unconditional.

This is The Temple: In Your Nutrient Fed Brain

Google can’t help,
Reddit can’t help

Unless you want to be an average,
The collective can’t help you

Nor can an individual,
But it’s a great tale:

The Mickey Rourke, saved by the Marissa Tomei –
It’s a great lie, that you can be saved by some girl or some guy:

Another’s love can not save you, cannot make you whole,
Impossible…

‘A Star is Born’, and he hangs himself in the end,
Never knowing how to be his own best friend

Pain, repression, denial, fear, worry,
All the dragons one must slay – they stand within

And you must face them within:
Without the crutches..

The wine, the weed, the woman – the funhouse mirrors – social media too…

As if they can show you a better side of yourself,
As if happiness isn’t health!

So the sage returns to the basics:
Food, water, breath, sweat, sleep, meditation, hard work – repeat

The means to get out of debt with Self,
So there is no longer, “I owe myself some high, some sojurn as reward” (…oh my)

Slippery slope,
When one needs escape to cope

You don’t need to get away,
You need to come back home

Where you’re peacefully alone,
Giving yourself that radical forgiveness, that raw self-love, which connects thee to the above

Your medicine is Grace;
The space for your inner child to play is how the dragons are slain

Homeostasis, balance,
In your nutrient fed brain.

Worth Gas Jet : Decay Will Pass

Wrote two poems,

Saved two drafts,

For you aren’t worth all my ⛽️

But I am, so it’s Bob Dylan – so real:

“How Does it Feel!?”

A rolling stone gathers no moss,

But if it rolls long enough, decay will pass

And we all fall down,

Ashes to ashes, trees to dirt

I know what I am worth.

Savor It

Dear boy, you want love,
But it takes steps,
Listening to Ariana Grande’s,
‘Thank You, Next’
It’s crazy,
You look at Bradley Cooper and think, “one day, thatt’ll be me”
Just grown,
With my Stefani,
The Fame,
Crown prince of the pen game
And damn, maybe I’ll find her when I’m 40,
So until then,
I’m not worried about shit
Just myself, so I’m gonna savor it

Le Cost

I need love
But all I got’s a bong and a Peep song

Ain’t nothin’ wrong, it’ll do,
Beats being sad with you

And I’m still gonna break your heart for leavin’
Stuntin’ in La Lolla like Cary Grant, best believe it …

What the fuck they ever think I was gonna be,
So go hop on some late alpha dick – see em at my age and he really wasn’t shit

But see me grown and you’ll regret it,
Should of made the investment

Wrote me off like a loss,
That shit gives me so much motherfukin’ sauce

But I’ll never be lost,
Never beleive in love like that again

That’s why I’m still writin’ poems after all this time,
That was the cost, my only friend

This Pain, Uncommon Thoughts

There were no old men who came before me,
Not a soul who wrote a goddamn-fucking thing down!!!
Nothing passed on but these well-worn genetics:
For this I am ashamed
How the fuck does this happen?
Tragedy
And I’m born into it
What the hell happened –
Exiled into this world,
In my mountain home, by the fire –
A product of a breakdown in culture,
Capitalism birthed me into poverty
Why did my family choose each other?
What the hell was so special about them;
I know nothing of my ancestors
Just a little money,
A lot of Irish, and the dischord between …
Exiled from my grandfather’s “will”
My own father hated by his mother;
Ugliness all around,
Sadness;
So my family has never really lived,
Just existed –
I’m a needle in the hay,
First one in generations who didn’t rush to breed
The very word speaks to its unconsciousness
And I’m disgusted,
Like a cow born on the factory farm,
Knowing in my marrow something is wrong
WHY THE FUCK BREED
Look; I’m not mad to be alive –
Just wouldn’t bring someone else into this until it made sense
Because I feel like the first to be conscious in generations…
And I am in pain
Wounds that were shared,
Never healed
A dis-ease
As far back as we go
And I don’t blame my exes,
I’m stuck with myself
Maybe to be loved after I am dead
But I’d rather that than to share this selfishness; this lonliness
This pain.

And I’m sorry this poem is so sad,
And I – but I’m glad to be thinking uncommon thoughts.

Where All Boys’ Dreams Begin 

Motherfvckin-go-in on-this-poem like-a-koan,
I’m a pure Brahmin spirit, ya I know-em,
I could clone-em:
Take in the yin and the yang,
Fire and the rain,
The Masculine and The Feminine,
And you heal all the pain;
All the sacred texts say it again and again:
You put the jewel in the lotus – om-mani-padma-hum – and again and again, a god you become –
Welcome to the truth,
It’s the sage’s only friend
Cause she’s alchemic, shamanic, hermetic, daemonic –
Hindu Kush is my favorite, oh Poet Vyasa that’s ironic –
Now I’m at the temple door and my desire is chthonic,
So I bring the dark to light,
Dakini goddess of the night;
Inner insight, my anima restored inside:
Two in one together, own the things I used to hide
Like the Thomas Gospel,
I am not Here to divide –
So people they meet me and they can’t even decide,
Is he a demon or a god?
You don’t know, but you like it;
He and Her makes Aman-Ra;
Even the Egyptians didn’t hide it;
So when we get naked, I’ll worship her as the highest;
For what the fuck else does a god look to, but a motherfvcking goddess –
So come with me, and return to yourself again;
And return me, to where all boys’ dreams begin.

Her, Him, She, We / Like Magnets / More Than You Ever Dreamed

“I want to swim away but don’t know how.”
Jesus fuck I love Blue October
Love her,
Love my pain
This stoned, emotionally overwhelmed feeling
Just how many poems can I write to say your’s was a heart I never fully entered
But I hope my pain left you a key, as your’s was to me
Because I am open now: I am in my own heart as I’ve never been before,
And there’s no more sitting outside on the stoop, smoking cigarettes,
No more pouring poison down my throat because I can’t get in;
No more abandoning myself;
No more needing protection in another;
Finally, having awakened to the duality of my inner and outer, male and female consciousness:
Yes, complex people have complex identities and require solutions more complex than in your books –
And I think about her, and my Anima, and how she wasn’t who I tried to project my inner, feminine self onto,
And I think about how I too am dead to her, in that she knows I am also not the inner masculine she projected onto me,
And I know we are both freed
For, I know Her now: She is in Me
And I hope she knows Him, or finds him in someone else…
But it can be HELL trying to find yourself in another
And you could get lucky, but you better hope to fucking god you are simple in your heart,
You better pray to be a basic #happilyeverafter bitch,
Because you’re probably not
I looked for myself for 15 years in other women, relationships,
Other as in separate from Self
And my heart was mechanically separated, like a chicken on the factory line, every fucking time
That was the price
But in seeking, we find ourselves – the gold in the pain, real treasure: Jules; Althaea;
Parts of Her were found in her, and in her, and in her, and in her, and in her
I could describe my inner feminine self using a portmanteau of my exes;
Their best traits are all in me, living, present, graceful, alive, in this room with me tonight
And She’ll keep expanding outward, in twin flames and in soulmates and flings, and friends, and they’ll hate us for Our security, sincerity
Because We’ll never confuse her for Her again,
Alas, the anima gets no other avatar than the Self –
But this is a gift once you realize
Literally, your Other half, which you found in your other other halves,
Goddesses born and dead,
We find ourselves in other people,
This is how it works, like magnets attracting and repelling.
But god it hurts. Until She or He emerges in you.
Then you’re whole. Then you can look outside, complete within.
No longer afraid She is Medusa or Grendel. Or your exes. ;)
But You. More than you ever dreamed.