Meditations Session Ten: Trusting Life and Going Into Fulfilment Through the Care of Mind, Body, and Soul for Happiness and Love

Preface

This week was trying on account of two factors. Firstly, I turned thirty-one. And, for me, birthdays always cause me to step back and evaluate my life in a very objective, measured way, which is something I typically don’t do in my day-to-day life; however, when you reach a milestone, such as a birthday, you are forced to say: “This is my life at thirty-one”. In short, my birthday arrived with a sobering tinge of inner melancholy – because hey, I’m not a billionaire yet and nor do I have my Nobel. A terrible shame, I know.

Secondly, Sarah left town for a week-long work trip, so I was faced with our first real separation, which was not unbearable; although, it had its moments.

So, I’m not crying woe is me or anything, but like any human, I live my life according to my hopes and dreams and fears.

As I said, it was a trying week – but the time alone was good, as this entry evidences.

What follows is a series of notes I took after meditating last night and choking down a small but vile dose of an ancient, sacred plant medicine.

Like all my meditations, these are verbatim, with any added notes in italics.


Meditations Session Ten: Trusting Life and Going into Fulfilment Through the Care of Mind, Body, and Soul For Happiness and Love

Note: I am not objective around others.

Just ask your authentic-self: is this healthy?

Forgive your mistakes, learn from pain; do the alchemy when your soul is in pain.

You need to learn from your pain, your mistakes, your habits.

Levels = evolution. Level up. Get comfortable.

Write the rules for your life.

Return to principles.

Life: likes vs. dislikes. As an activity to become more familiar with the self.

Keep life simple [Only the necessities.] This was inspired by the teachings of Epicurus, who advised his students to live life according only to the necessities of their well-being.

  1. Coffee
  2. Walk
  3. Breakfast
  4. Meditation
  5. Planning
  6. Work
  7. Lunch / Read
  8. Walk or Gym
  9. Work
  10. Dinner
  11. Walk
  12. Journal
  13. Read
  14. Meditation / Sleep

Sundays: Coffee shop / plan and review

Note: Withholding approval = power over others.

Don’t hold any thought the divine self doesn’t.

Think about how harshly you judge yourself (ego / judgements).

Practice non-judgement and loving-kindness on yourself.

Love is our highest word and the archetype for Love is God.

What we all need is Love, and most all of our problems arise from going about getting it in the wrong ways.

We have to embody our own God: to be the dad we didn’t get, the best friend we never had.

We have to be able to look to ourselves and trust ourselves.

All you need to be right now is the best 31 year old you. The rest will follow accordingly and work out too.

You have to not only trust in the future, but the past as well – [Honor Your Past]

If you’re gonna trust the future to deliver you from your past, you need to trust the past to deliver you to your future.

No one else can love you but you. They [people] make flattering mirrors, but ultimately we see only ourselves, our perspectives in them.

Quit looking in others for the mirror. For you can only see what’s already inside of you.

Reflect on the energy you want to feel in return.

You’re worthy of feeling great about yourself all the time.

If depressed, return to principles (Read your meditation notes).

Rest your mind, remain calm inside yourself.

Be calm: pure consciousness. Hold a calm, relaxed gaze, then follow your body’s physiology.

A spiritual life gives you the faith that your intention will manifest.

Faith = power of the Will.

Faith can only ever be in the self.

Confront fear and dispel it moment by moment, as it arises.

Ego is not an enemy of God / Spirit.

Ego is not an enemy to faith, only to reason [Which absolute faith requires]

Don’t monitor the conversation in your head so much as stop having one.

If a man is to know himself, to live an intelligent life of reason, he must be willing to deduce from his feelings his beliefs, and from his beliefs pure reason, so that his habits and actions will follow.

To trust yourself is to live your own truth. To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius. – Emerson

To trust yourself is to trust the will of life.

To attune to your inner intuition is not just to know how you are feeling in a given moment, but why.

You’ve gotta like yourself in order to be happy.

But you’ve also gotta be happy in order to like yourself. Welcome to the paradox of life you have lived in. Now live happy.

Love is the key to happiness and happiness is the key to love.

So, self-esteem = Love? Self-esteem = trusting life. It has brought me this far, this close.

Trusting life = being fully in the present moment, without fear, without judgement.

Being in the present moment = being happy and grateful.

Happy and grateful come from living well. Think well. Be well.

As you sow, so shall you reap.

Think well and be well.

Beliefs.

Believe in yourself.

Pure rationality.

Believe

Believe in yourself.

If you don’t, life’s going to be very hard – as it was.

You don’t need a God to believe in yourself. You just need to trust life.

And to trust life you just need to believe in yourself.

Life’s very scary if you don’t believe in yourself, if you don’t trust yourself. It’s terrible.

You have free will. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself. Because a belief in a God won’t save you, but a belief in yourself will.

Trust you are here for a reason, and that you are perfect for the reason you are here.

Trust you haven’t suffered in vain.

Trust in Love.

Believe in Love; that is God; not the religion; not the creator – but the reason.

You’re here to Love.

This is what you are made of. Love.

You are not God. You are Love. God is perfect (Divine) Love.

You’re here to learn that. To live that. To be that. (Divine Love).

You’re day-to-day life should be designed to maximize the love you experience.

To have loved is to have lived.

And you are entirely worthy of abundant love.

Live it. Give it.

The Universe sends the Love you give back to you as happiness.

So too, the Love you withhold comes back as fear.

Choose to love rather than fear yourself – your existence, for they are one in the same.

“Since psyche and matter are contained in one and the same world, and moreover are in continuous contact with one another and ultimately rest on irreprehensible, transcendental factors, it is not only possible but fairly probable, even, that psyche and matter are two different aspects of one and the same thing. The synchronicity phenomena point, it seems to me, in this direction, for they show that the nonpsychic can behave like the psychic, and vice versa, without there being any causal connection between them. ~ Carl Jung, “On the Nature of the Psyche”

Also, this: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/07/your-thoughts-do-not-create-your-reality-stupid/

also, this: https://www.livealifeyoulove.com/buddha-knew-law-of-attraction/

Most people fear life because they don’t trust it, and we fear what we do not trust in.

Fear comes from not trusting in the eternity of the soul; fear comes from being attached, from the idea of loss.

And I don’t know what is next, but I know this life isn’t permanent, so there really is nothing to fear.

“I know not if this earth on which I stand is the core of the universe or if it is but a speck of dust lost in eternity. I know not and I care not. For I know what happiness is possible to me on earth. And my happiness needs no higher aim to vindicate it. My happiness is not the means to any end. It is the end. It is its own goal. It is its own purpose.” – Ayn Rand, Anthem

And it’s our thoughts that shape our experience of reality, our highs and lows.

So we should think the thoughts of the reality we desire to experience.

I am calm. I am comfortable. I am at peace.

Because all we ever have is now to experience it.

So match the thought to the feeling, the feeling to the action, and the action to the desired feeling.

There is a reason humans have thoughts.

So we can feel our experience with them.

And if you don’t believe that you control your thoughts and feelings, then you don’t trust yourself.

So trust yourself. Trust your experience of reality, but also understand that you are the creator.

For if you didn’t believe your thoughts had any influence, you would’t listen to them.

So why do we listen to our own thoughts?

Well, some of them actually feel really good.

It’s the thoughts that don’t, which make us unhappy, that trouble us.

So why do we continue listening to the thoughts that trouble us?

Because the mind – the unconscious – where thought is processed and translated into feeling, this mind does not distinguish between good and bad thoughts, happy and sad feeling. It just feeds the thought into the unconscious to be processed.

The filter is the conscious mind. It’s where we have the ability to say yes or no.

And this filter follows the dictums of the soul, where the will resides.

However, we lose touch with our souls, our wills, and we become slaves living unconscious lives.

We must endeavor to live consciously, healthily.

We must care for our bodies and our souls if we are to have happy and healthy minds.

And that choice is ours.

So go to that yoga class together.

And if you don’t have someone, go alone, and you may meet someone.

That’s why we’re here after all: Love.

So why don’t we love our own minds, bodies, and souls more?

I suppose we don’t always make that a priority.

We don’t understand the mind, body, soul connection as the ancients did, that and or we don’t value our minds, bodies, and souls more.

Why? We value other shit.

Why? Because society has told us that feeling cool is more important than feeling good.

Why? Money. Pleasure, unlike fulfillment, is marketable. Because pleasure is instant, whereas fulfillment actually takes time.

But pain is here for many. And humans would rather feel good than bad.

So they make unhealthy decisions, whether it’s eating or drinking, and these things ultimately cost us our wellbeing.

So what must we do?

Love ourselves more. Care about other shit less. Or at least realize how important lifestyle is to happiness.

Because if we aren’t choosing to live a healthy lifestyle, we are screwing our happiness.

Which no rational person would do – were they not living in a society that places other things above happiness.

Because in the modern world we live in, you can buy pleasure but you cannot buy happiness, because happiness comes from the fulfillment of our thoughts (Into their physical reality).

And you can pay for some guru or life coach to tell you this OR you can just know it to be true in your heart.

But maybe your heart has been silenced by a mind and body too tired, too out of tune to connect to the soul and listen.

So RAISE YOUR VIBRATIONS !!

Maybe it’s surfing. Maybe it’s Yoga. Diet, water, exercise. Basically being a healthy human that gets into flow, that lives an actualized life.

Which, you haven’t been entirely… (Or much at all)

So step your game up.

Quit limiting yourself like a fucking retard idiot.

So choose to love yourself in your thoughts and resultant lifestyle choices.

Choose to trust that you’ll make it through not only without those unhealthy crutches, but because you went without, because you choose to nourish your mind, body, and soul out of love rather than fear.


Post Script

It’s only by the providence of synchronicity by which I have become the man I am today, and I have no doubt that at thirty one these lessons are precisely what I need to take my life to the next level.

Looking back, I see that when I lived in a manner that followed the habits of happy, healthy people, I too was happy and healthy. But, of course, our vices are a great comfort to us, whether it be junk food or junk substances, and, as I have outlined above, I think these things cause us to numb ourselves, and consequently numb our connection to our souls, our inner will, where the directng voice of consciousness resides.

It’s not by coincidence that spiritually actualized people live healthy lives and value their minds, bodies, and souls. Lord knows that someone who is relying on the comfort of their vices is by no means happy. They’re just afraid of losing that comforting crutch because they are in pain and they want a solution now, but it only makes it worse and actually perpetuates as addiction.

As the ancient maxim goes, the mind is a terrible master but an excellent slave; however, we must remain conscious in order to have mastery of our minds. We must be able to direct ourselves from that inner voice of the will.

I know after this experience that I absolutely must take care of my mind, body, and soul in a manner that allows me to remain connected to my inner voice.

And I know modern life doesn’t revolve around these things, but it’s your fucking life. Start living it rationally, for nothing is more important than your health and happiness.

As the ancient Stoics believed: virtue alone was sufficient for happiness. I finally understand this at a deep level. Lord knows, I already knew that vice alone was sufficient for misery.

In short, trust life. Trust yourself. Love yourself. And care for your soul. That means physical practices. You don’t want to live life like a lab rat, addicted to fats and other chemicals. That’s not wellbeing. That’s comforting your fear with pleasure, rather than trusting life and going into fulfillment.

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Meditations: Sessions Seven through Nine: The Subjective Nature of Experience, The Will, and Perception

I’ve recently done some inner exploration with the help of organic plant based entheogens (Contact your local South American Shaman for details), and the experience has been nothing short of life altering – literally changing my MBTI Type from ENFP to ENTJ.

Basically, I got to experience reality without bias, without complexes, and without the filter of the Self. As Aubrey Marcus said of his Huachama experience, ‘It was a coming of age, twenty years late – but better now than never.’

The following notes, which continue my previously published meditations, are transcribed verbatim from my notebooks and have been loosely organized according to category.

The Subjective Nature of Consciousness / Reality

  • 7 bn Collective units of consciousness
  • Never before understood it
  • 7 bn individual units
  • The Cosmic Opera
  • Consciousness is not something to be fearful of
  • Consciousness is entirely subjective
  • Life (Reality) is made of consciousness and this life is entirely subjective
  • Ayn Rand’s philosophy is called Objectivism

Man’s Will

  • “It’s men’s wills that overpower one another”
  • Life is a contest of wills
  • Life is a game of potentials won by wills
  • Why are some wills stronger – more effective – than others?
  • Will = “The Force”
  • Human will is far more powerful than the universe (Or, rather, an equal power, since it is part of the universal force of cause and effect).
  • On a cosmic cause and effect level all beliefs are equal; whether you believe you can attain a small or a great thing, the effect is the same
  • Strength of will (Influences how great or small your beliefs are).
  • Think of the freedom of thought, exercise your will, your belief in yourself
  • The only limit is a man’s will
  • This is all how the powerful, celebs see life. A game of potentials and wills. Celebs merely have “talent” or appeal, or marketability – i.e., their potential
  • You can have whatever you are capable of having,
  • Lawrence. You will never lose a game of wills again in your life.
  • Lawrence: you have been manipulated by wills more powerful than yours so many times
  • I have played so small, been so stuck in my experience. Been so weak willed.
  • Look at the will and potential of others (Whom are massively successful); other people see their potential or what it might be and go after it
  • People live stuck at the bottom. Their wills broken
  • Drugs are used to manipulate the will and break the human spirit

Objectivity and The Power of Choice, Misc.

  • Getting into harmony with what you want is the magic of alchemy
  • What you choose to think you will feel
  • We can feel whatever we want
  • Rationality
  • To think less of thinking and more of doing
  • To not waste life in negativity
  • You can understand things without having to feel them
  • You don’t have to live life from your experiences, beliefs, background, etc.
  • You don’t have to attach your emotions to things – utility (Separating the utility of thought from the feeling of thought).
  • Prayer absolves a lot of people of their sins
  • Our battles are not with each other but with ourselves
  • What are we so afraid of that we are thinking all the time? (The Compulsion and addiction to thought).
  • If my G-d does not exist, he should
  • The hunger of desire is an illusion (Since we CAN create what we want).
  • Choose the thought that is most empowering, the absolute healthiest
  • Act as the man you are not the man you don’t want to be
  • Let love of life, the ultimate freedom, release you from fear
  • I am as my actions have made me, and my actions as my thoughts
  • “All is but thinking makes it so”. (Shakespeare).
  • Subjective
  • Potential
  • Belief
  • Will
  • Responsibility
  • “Reality”
  • “Perspective”
  • Self-knowledge
  • All psychological processes are identical but not all psyches
  • Women want a man w. Strong will, a strong frame – certainly stronger than their own
  • I never understood life until today
  • And most certainly never saw it as other people did.
  • So stuck in my experience
  • Everyone is stuck on their own experience.
  • Zero excuse not for me to fulfill my potential now
  • My whole life my concept of reality has been so sensitive
  • I have only been good when i have had a very grounded sense of reality,
    when someone i.e., a girlfriend had a stronger will that centered and anchored my reality.
  • I have always needed someone else to believe in me, never did before on my own. Was all a fucking mind game I was losing. Up until now life has been.
  • How plants? How San Pedro? (As an eye opener) helps separate consciousness from experience
  • You have the keys. You now know what the real limits and boundaries of reality are
  • Everything is just a concept people use to understand
  • Think about all the mindfucks, The Secret, P.U.A, all these cheap tricks, these shitty paradigms
  • Most people need a friendly packaging,, i.e., The Secret (They cannot wrap their head around the idea that so much of reality is built on BS small-minded concepts.
  • Previously I was so addicted to thinking and to feeling
  • I did not realize how stuck in that masochistic addiction I was

Confidence is Bullshit

  • “It’s your will against mine. You think you are cooler than me and I just don’t believe it. Because my beliefs tell me other people will think me cooler than you. Watch me.”
  • Think about the judgements people make based on the confidence or insecurity of others. And think about how much people care about what others think. In their value judgments, their choices.
  • People want to be cool.
  • All my failure (Do not belittle yourself for your ignorance), all of it. I was so stuck in my head.
  • Think how small even my wishes were (to be confident enough) lol
  • Confidence is what other people think
  • Confidence is bullshit. Confidence is the idea that I am only as cool as other believe I am.
  • (For many) Life is a game of who’s (fuckin’) coolest
  • Most people really care a lot about why other ppl think bc that’s where their self image comes from. And without that, life has no point to them

Manipulation

  • Understand peoples values and you can control the people. Think about how the people at the top think Lawrence
  • Understand people’s feat or being manipulated.
  • Lawrence, see, deduce how life works, what people value, how people think
  • Understand their fear of being manipulated by people who know this is how people work.
  • Like that movie where people are more afraid of offending a stranger than a serial killer

Finding Eden Again

I enjoy spending my sunsets seated comfortably on a soft Mexican blanket, facing the calm, placid shore near my home. This evening, I sat relaxedly listening to the ankle high waves falling softly on the shoreline, and I became transfixed by the steady, ceaseless rhythm of their arrival. In a moment, the tranquil, soothing sound of the waves giving themselves to the hard, wet sand had welcomed me into that blissful meditative state, where a man’s thoughts rise to a height only attainable in nature. The very space where nature becomes a kind of Garden of Eden and The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil bears the sacred fruit from which man may sparingly digest the wisdom he needs to grow and go on his way – knowing he will be blessed to return again when the time is right.

In this Edenlike state, my gaze still transfixed on the shoreline, my mind took from The Tree what I was given, and I ingested the knowledge that these lonely, unending, impetuous waves were completely impartial as to whether I were a pauper or prince, bum or billionaire.

The waves were simply indifferent – like all of nature – yet men falsely think they must wrestle with the universe to attain what they wish, as if there is some secret law, which governs all, some mind game to win or lose.

A man can spend decades wresting with the universe, his relationship to it lost in his own private battles, never realizing the universe is not his adversary, but, rather, that it’s his own nature he must overcome.

Only when a man stops fighting the world and instead slays his own dragons and demons does the universe seem to bow before him, acquiescing to his plans. Only then does he realize it was his own dragons and demons holding him back all along.

In the next instant I thought of something Steve Jobs said:

“Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact, and that is – everything around you that you call life, was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.

…Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”

I thought of this because I realized in that instant that, for Jobs, the idea that everything around him was made up by people no smarter than himself was what gave him the confidence to accomplish what he did. This “simple fact” was his catalyst, the knowledge that empowered him once and forever.

I also realized in that moment my own one simple fact: the idea that man’s fate is his and his alone and his limits are entirely self imposed.

Man’s fate is his and his alone and his limits are entirely self imposed.

I too realized that every person must discover their own one simple fact. They must acquire the specific knowledge that negates their limiting beliefs and destroys their mental barriers.

Then I had one last thought; I thought of Kryptonite, the mythical radioactive substance from Superman’s home planet, Kryptos. According to comic legend, Kryptonite is radioactive and thus causes “Kryptonite poisoning”, rendering superman powerless. I realized we all have our own Kryptonite, our own innate susceptibility to something capable of stealing all our power. Maybe it’s toxic relationships, maybe it’s our desire to escape reality, numbing ourselves with alcohol or drugs. It could be anything, vanity even. But, whatever it is that renders us powerless, unable to make our impact on the world, we must treat it with the same reverence and fear with which superman treats Kryptonite. It is the thing we must avoid at all costs, no matter how many times it finds us.

Yes, my time in Eden had been fruitful.

My mind expanded, my optimism brightened, my confidence deepened, I arose, shaking the sand from my blanket before stuffing it in my bag. I walked home knowing the evening had changed me. I was grateful I had found Eden again. Grateful for another magical, wondrous sunset.

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A Walking Meditation: On Oneness, Overcoming Fear, and Mastering Perception

Meditating on the beach this morning and feeling my fearful heart beating in my chest, anxious and over-paced, just like all of us – I started thinking about what the hell I was so afraid of.

And so, I lie in the sand looking up and thinking about this, asking , how can my soul fly everyday – how can I feel grand and limitless, and connected to the universe and my dreams, and my power as the creator of my life – while still staying grounded? How can I resolve this paradox.

Like most all questions I consciously ask in the meditative state, an answer propagated itself within my mind quite automatically and without effort. That answer was that there is no ‘there’ (the universe) and ‘here’ (grounded), because “here” is a planet out in the universe. The center of the earth is as central to our position in the universe as the moon is, cosmically speaking. There is simply no difference on an energetic level; being grounded is about being grounded with yourself as one with the universe, for the here and there are one.

That might cause the uninitiated to roll their eyes. “One with the universe”. Yes: one-with-the-uni-verse. That’s something I’ve been reading about and looking into lately, this ‘concept’ of “oneness”, or, non-duality. And that’s actually what I thought of next in my meditation as I sat up and began to walk. Just this question of am I really one – a part of everything?

My first answer, looking towards the morning calm of the Pacific Ocean was, well, is a halibut one with the sea?

And then I looked down and saw a perfect white lone feather that had been cast off the plumage of a young bird. I picked the feather up and asked, well, is this feather one with the bird? To which came the immediate reply of  well, was I not too once one with my mother (in the womb)?

I almost laughed at that point because it was clear the feather had given me this beautiful symbolic metaphor for oneness with creation. Of course we all know that humans share the same genetic lineage, whether you are a creationist or a Christian, there is no arguing the ancestry of our DNA is shared, traceable to a common and once very small group.

However, I of course look like this, and you yourself look like that, and this thing called consciousness is a seemingly individuated process, which, along with the innately separatist concepts of religion, country, and creed, keeps each of us quite effectively marooned in the confines of our own minds. For we are not feathers, but conscious beings.

And so I thought of this [the idea that it’s consciousness that separates us] as I twirled the feather I had picked up in my fingers and watched as a woman walking a ridiculous looking dog down the boardwalk neared. As she passed by I smiled and remarked to her, “Beautiful animal” using the most genuinely sounding tone of voice I could muster. After she had passed completely I almost burst into side-splitting laughter at how silly the damn thing had looked.

But why had I told her “beautiful animal”? This was my next thought. Of course the answer wasn’t difficult to find; I cared about what she thought. Perhaps I was even afraid of what she thought of me.

This was my next inquiry: Why are we afraid of what people think?

We fear their judgement, I pondered; although, I quickly pivoted to the realization that it wasn’t really their judgement we feared, but our own judgement of what they thought of us. After all, we cannot enter into the mind of another. It’s our own judgement about what we believe they might think of us, which we fear. We’re scared of our own judgement based on the imaginations of what we think someone might possibly think of is. This is pathetic, I thought to myself.

Continuing on my walking meditation, I thought again of the idea that we have fearful hearts, only now the feeling had lifted. I declared aloud to myself “Truly, what in the god-damn-hell do you have to be afraid of?”

In that moment, I felt completely human, only without the anxiety of being human. Something in me had become clear and free. Here I was, a temporary living entity, standing on the surface of planet earth, having realized the absurdity of my nature – and the nature of all humans – as basically afraid of our perceptions about what the other members of our species might be thinking of us. God forbid we look and act in a manner not fitting with our evolved desire to FIT IN and be accepted for who we are.

From my walk.
From my walk.

Note: Like happiness and everything else we desire, it’s best created from the inside-out, and not the outside in; however, most of us never figure that out because we can’t escape our own judgement of ourselves, that which is called perception. So we cling so dearly to a self-worth that’s extremely dependent upon what we think of others. It’s no wonder that the harshest judges of others often have the lowest self-esteem. It’s also fucking retarded that we even care. I don’t want to care what anyone thinks. Fuck what anyone thinks. Do you think your heroes lived their lives confined in the same glass houses? No way. You can’t be authentic and fear your own perception.

Walking on now, from the sand, to the sidewalk back towards my home, I saw an overweight woman who had somehow managed to charm no small part of my sensibilities with the way she had clipped her dog leash around her waist for hands free dog walking.

And so, seeing this woman on the sidewalk at the end of the street, who was dutifully waiting for her dog, I thought about how I should progress. She had looked up, aware of my presence, and I was slowly walking in her direction, debating whether I should cross the street to do as humans sometimes do in wanting to avoid having to exchange pleasantries. But then I thought just walk by say something nice to her – this being somewhat funny, since I have recently become much more aware of my mode-of-being as someone who tries to please people in an attempt to make them happy – and I realized this. Finally, it was clear, I decided no – walk by and just project and intend loving-kindness towards her. That’s it. No judgement. Just loving-kindness.

So, like a true buddah, I neared her completely unselfconscious and feeling nothing but loving-kindness towards her. And that was it! I felt completely unselfconscious because I had not only zero judgment for her, but total loving kindness. In fact, we actually ended up talking! Her dog is named Otis, and I laughed when he jumped on me,  playfully saying “Jeeze, your dog’s an animal.” She was an incredibly nice woman.

Aside: Her energy reminded me of a late friend of my grandmother. A woman named Paula Sykes who also had been overweight as well, but was the coolest person I knew at 12 years old. She [Ms. Sykes as she was known] helped teach me kindness in befriending me – plus she had this quirky sense of taste that was just classic (I remember her having decoy hunting ducks on the bookshelves in her home). I wish I could remember what she had told me about them when I asked.

But I submit this to you – had I not created that reality? The unselfconscious and playful reality, and the simple beauty of my interaction with her – was that not a result of the conscious focus through which I had chosen to perceive the experience with? I had paid her my attention and my intention. Sure, she had turned out to be a kind woman, but perhaps the nervous glance she had given the strange looking guy down the street in the hombre poncho and sweats turned into a pleasant interaction because 5 million years of human evolution instilled within her an innate ability to sense my energy, the same way a DOG can read the energy of another animal and determine it’s hostility and it’s social position in a matter of seconds – the same way her dog read my energy. You’re telling me humans don’t feel that? Okay sure. Of course they do. We all know this. Except few of us ever realize that our fears – this thing called perception IS A FILTER.

In our homes, our lives, our “careers”, our perceptions are filtering all of our experiences. Like a tuning fork that vibrates with like frequency, or liquid finding it’s “level”, we are just a product of our perception. How long do you need to suffer before you realize this? You’re like the lower ranking animal in the pack – except you attribute this to circumstance, and luck, rather than mental freedom – freedom from the perceptions about who you are. These are the LIMITS and the ONLY limits.

If it’s not impossible, then it’s possible, but if you can’t perceive it as reality -you won’t.

Epilogue:

I arrived back at my apartment, and in surveying things I laughed and said aloud “Look at this provincial shit”. I just had a sense that my circumstance was not only a product of my past perception, but that no matter what the absolute worst case scenario in my life could be, absolutely nothing could strip me of the truth that I came to know on this walking meditation. The truth is that I am bigger than my body and my thoughts – and so are you.

P.S. Thought is perception and perception is reality. Listen to the following two songs. The people on the way up have figured these things out. Now it’s your turn.

 

Note: If the idea of a walking meditation seems silly to you, watch this video from Thich Nhat Hanh.

Meditations Session Six: The Immortal Soul, Embracing the Tribe, and This Thing Called Life

In accordance with my Meditations, and in the spirit of my original Transcendental Realizations, I dove deep into my mind the other night on a journey of loving self discovery.

My intention with this spiritual and meditative journey was to go deep within my psyche and do some healing to remove the subconscious barriers standing between me and my desires. Two nights before this I dreamt that I cut open a small spiritual statue I own and in my dream I replaced the head of the statue with the outstretched open-palmed hand, and the very night after this journey I dreampt I was climbing high up a mature tree and pulling down the old, dry branches – so, if the inherent symbolism of my dreams is any indication then I think it’s safe to say I did progress greatly in the desired direction of my intentions.

So after a beautiful day spent at the beach with my father, and an evening spent journaling and eating frozen yogurt, I am seated here tonight listening to good music and transcribing my notes verbatim from this meditation.

The first set of notes were taken first thing in the morning after spending the night meditating with candles and music. The next were written in my journal in the park near my house after waking from a deep slumber.

The Immortal Soul

  • To became one with the soul is to meet your loneliness, to feel oneness with the sadness of life, to have seen the full spectrum of being human
  • To understand the human experience is to innately feel it
  • To transcend a human experience is to have one
  • It’s all oneness – as it is, with my lot as a man
  • To be imperfect is perfect
  • The point of anxiety is no anxiety
  • Once anxiety has given you something abandon it

Embracing Your Tribe (Your Humanity)

  • A part of every human desires death (Freud?), but it’s escape they want
  • We are all our fathers
  • There’s no escaping your tribe (being human)
  • Forgiving your tribe (and yourself) requires embracing all of it – because you’ve seen it (good and bad)
  • There is no forgiving yourself for what you didn’t do
  • Don’t hate yourself for being a good guy
  • Being human is messy

This Thing Called Life

  • Everything’s already happened before in the universe’s eyes
  • It’s a painting, not a masterpiece [life]
  • No meaning will make sense of it
  • No writing can encapsulate it
  • It’s what is
  • Life’s fair for neither sex
  • But you’ve got to claim a seat at the table to eat
  • There is such a thing as evolutionary consciousness
  • Suffering is shared amongst humanity
  • It’s not your job to suffer for all of humanity
  • Make right of your life
  • Make it yours entirely
  • Life is a romance
  • And a comedy
  • Don’t try and relive anyone else’s coming of age
  • You can’t win it because it never ends
  • There’s no arrival point in life
  • You are here
  • Attitude and outlook is everything
  • Life is an evolutionary process
  • Your life can only be as good as you make it
  • Will Smith gets it (see end of post)
  • Rise up. Rise above.
  • No one can deny you your frame
  • Perception is everything

From my journal

  • Really saw my situation in a much needed light. Many realizational facets of it but mainly a sense of my share of being a human being.
  • And a deep sense that no one can deny what you bring into consciousness.
  • And consciousness is reality and our perception dictates what we experience.
  • No one can deny you your frame.
  • – redacted re: childhood shame, and learned inner programming about self-worth –
  • I feel like last night I reconnected with both my innocence and an ancient part of me – my ancient masculine
  • But facing the ancient masculine, and your masculine sexuality is about owning your lot as a man. To take what you’ve been given in life and (use that energy to) make it better.
  • Anyway, I’m tired of over-analyzing, over-thinking – I need to acknowledge the anxious insecurity of that.
  • I’m ready to live. No one big answer is going to give me the ticket to that.
  • I’ve got to live. My life is my life. My name is my name.
  • I don’t want to live through the lens of sad songs.
  • I want to change the tone of my life from the (American) narrative of “I’m a hardworking man with a good heart, just trying to make it” – to “I’m Lawrence Black, cut from the same cloth as the greats, and I am an openhearted soul-rebel and I am thriving!”
  • Last night was facing the shame of the wild man and accepting that life is facing the shame but seeing that it is false – it’s a part of life, of being human to feel that [shame], but part of being human is also seeing that the greatness exists as well.

Bonus: Get Jiggy With Serious Truth


Meditations: Session Five – On Desire

I used a new guided meditation tonight, from my favorite Meditation Guide, Paul Santisi.

It’s a neat guided meditation, and really exercises your imagination as well. You can check it out here:

I’m looking forward to repeating this.

Below are the notes taken after my meditation, per usual – and while this my most succinct set of post meditation notes to date – I still feel that I got exactly what I needed, which my meditations ALWAYS provide me.

Desire

  • Desire must outweigh fear
  • Desire must be cultivated
  • It’s a process – you have to feel it constantly – you have to engage it
  • You have to live in possession of your desire
  • Remove time from the equation. Direct your attention and your efforts

##

Misc:

Last night I was mapping virtues and values and I wrote down the following:

Passion, desire, and intention come from faith.

After meditating, I went for a run on the beach, and in walking and reflecting on my desire meditation, I really got a sense of the importance of having a burning desire backed by a spiritual confidence – a strong faith that serves to counter any fears and insecurities.

Meditations: Session Four – On Fear

Edit / Update {9/28/2014}

I’ve since some to the realization that fear is not tempered by courage, but by faith, and I’m coming to understand that spirituality is the backbone for creating the confident self-talk that will allow you to overcome fear.

Also, my discovery and journey into Outwitting The Devil, the following quote, which supports this hypothesis has really resonated with me:

“You are entitled to know that two entities occupy your body. One of these entities is motivated by and responds to the impulse of fear. The other is motivated by and responds to the impulse of faith. Will you be guided by faith or will you allow fear to overtake you?”
― Napoleon Hill, Outwitting the Devil, 1928

A couple quotes I have been enjoying lately that support this are:

“You’re either living your dreams [faith] or you’re living your fears” – Les Brown

“Believe in yourself, but trust in G-d” – Jewish Proverb

 

/edit

Last night I dove back into my meditations, using the method I detailed here.

The fact that I haven’t been setting aside time for my meditation practice is partly a result of a lack of discipline in this area of my life, but it’s also a reflection of the massive power of my previous meditations. Their meaning has continued to become increasingly valued to me each time I’ve revisited them during a period of introspection and reflection.

Unfortunately, last night I made the mistake of going directly into action post meditation rather than taking the time to write down and capture my realizations. Simple excitement, but next time I will be sure to savor the process of outputting my energy, rather than simply running off with that high.

I wrote down a few notes over coffee this morning, and the rest below is coming from memory, so again – the importance of writing after meditation cannot be understated, particularly given the method I use for my meditations.

Boiling Down Fear

  • Fear often boils down to the belief that we aren’t greater than our present circumstance and as a result we fear that we won’t overcome it
  • Any belief about insufficiency is a product of insecurity
  • Insecurity is the reptilian, lower level part of our psyche that is responsible for fear
  • When we are living from fear, we are living from a lower level of consciousness, because there is a more rational and grounded voice within us that knows BETTER
  • Fear occurs when past expectations and outcomes are allowed to negatively change our perception of the future.

overcoming rising above Fear: Establishing and maintaining state

  • Since we know there in an inner voice within us that knows without a doubt we can accomplish and attain what we desire (This is the same inner-voice that becomes frustrated with our fears standing in our way and with our situation) – then we must establish this inner voice as our dominant voice.
  • Establishing our inner-voice as the dominant voice responsible for our self-talk enables us to maintain a chosen mindset that’s responsible for guiding our life and holding us accountable to a higher standard than the negative fear driven lower level consciousness.
  • It’s about establishing and maintaining state to raise your frequency to a level that’s equivalent to the worth of your desires.
  • The key to establishing state is introspection, reflection, and meditation – rituals that connect ourselves to our inner voice.
  • Self talk is the key to maintaining state – you have to hold your frame, by holding your thoughts inner voice accountable – it has to be congruent.
  • When we establish the right mindset (inner voice dominant self-talk) and hold the right state, we are effecting change the proper way – from within. We are also committing to perceiving the future from a place of empowerment and confidence.

###

PostScript – Here are a couple relevant videos I am enjoying that relate to fear and self-talk:

Best part of this video starts at 5:35.

Interesting mindgame to shift inner perspective, i.e., the hero of the movie mindset, and imagining the documentary crew following. I think the other interesting and valuable points are the idea of tough (self) love and being able to take an honest look at your life.

One caveat I want to put forth is that I don’t think it requires ‘positive thinking’ or changing your mindset so much as fortifying yourself from lower level consciousness and fear consciousness by establishing and maintaining a chosen mindset that reflects your inner voice / so it’s almost a major shift, versus a thought by thought change.

Really glad I took the time to meditate last night. It’s nice to burn a candle, light some incense, and just do something completely alone for myself that enables such a healthy and positive state of mind. As an added bonus, I was doing sprints and crunches on the sand before sunrise and made a point to dive into the pitch black ocean simply because I didn’t feel like being afraid to do it.

p.s. Doing some more research on the brain in regards to fear and came across the following two videos, which helped me better understand how my physical brain operates in relation to fear and change.

Great info that reinforces the concept of the reptilian brain in regards to fear.

This from 10:18 on contains some extremely valuable / insightful content. Some really awesome stuff on the way we can use self-talk and thought management to effect change.

Also this clip frames fear in a very rational and grounded way:

And this from 38 min onward reinforces the the power of passion and goals over fear.

And as an interim conclusion on my meditations and thoughts on fear, I really feel like one of the major pillars of rising above fear is stoicism. Adopting a dominant inner-voice that’s rooted in a more rational, higher level of consciousness is inherently stoic because it’s the antithesis of our emotionally driven, and reactive reptilian brain.

I’ve long read Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, and think that the stoics had a wonderful grounding in reality due to their ability to master their emotions and put aside fear.

I just finished watching a talk on what Ryan Holliday calls “Stoic Optimism” and it provides some good examples of individuals who have overcome fear and the obstacles they have faced to ultimately become who they were capable of becoming. So, ultimately, fear is often our reaction to the obstacle standing between us and our potential. Being stoic allows us to rise up to meet fear with excellence, fortitude, and will, rather than cowering in meek defeat.

“The impediment to action becomes the action, what stands in the way becomes the way” – Marcus Aurelius

Meditations: Session Three

I took less than a page of notes in my notebook after the third session in my meditations practice.

I suspect this could be a result of the fact that I didn’t set a clear enough intention going into this session. I was also a bit clouded by frustration and expectation; however, I got exactly what I needed through this practice – as has thus far been true (and as I think is generally true with both meditation and yoga, when practiced with proper presence).

I should note that I am not overly concerned with the volume of writing I produce here as I do this practice for the inestimable benefit of the personal meaning I find.

I plan on revisiting these writings for a long time and I think there’s likely a large benefit to doing so.

Perhaps in borrowing the title of Meditations I subconsciously intended for the writings I produce in my own meditations to be revisited by myself much as I often revisit the meditations of Marcus Aurelius (I own two copies, one mid-century hardcover and one modern paperback.)

Note: Everything within bold text (section headlines included) or parenthesis (except for the squiggly kind) and brackets was added at the time of this publication to organize / clarify and or add afterthought to the notes at the time of publishing.

Inner Peace (in Truth)

  • That Space in the moment – the true / genuine inner peace you get after you have a big life realization [What a peaceful feeling. Definitely one I hope to recreate in revisiting these writings – and something I hope I can internalize through their study].

Patience (in Yourself)

  • Patience is more about patience with yourself than with life. (It’s okay to accept that something was a certain way up until now and that you’ve now arrived at the right time for the desired change to happen in your life – you’re now ready to outgrow it.) You mature on your own time.

Personal Power (in your Humanity)

  • What more proof of your existence (and personal power) do you “want” expect of life than the fact you are on the planet earth in a domicile. You’re (a member of) the most advanced species ever.
  • YOU’VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES. (Footnote 1)

Gratitude (For Your Life)

  • People would literally kill to have your life (i.e., Syrian refugees or North Korean prisoners). Don’t waste it [because someone else would kill for it].

Trust (In the Universe – in Yourself)

  • You’re in the safety of your 29th year / 30’s. [Trust in the universe – don’t obsess with death.]

Footnote 1: When I wrote this [“You’ve got what it takes”] I thought of the following quote from Steve Jobs (specifically the bolded text, which I added for emphasis): “When you grow up you, tend to get told that the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world, try not to bash into the walls too much, try to have a nice family, have fun, save a little money. That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader, once you discover one simple fact, and that is that everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”

Meditations: Session Two

Continuing my Meditations Series, tonight I’m transcribing my handwritten notes from Session Two. (Technically, the third session, as my first session was recorded in the entry Transcendental Realizations.)

I should state that, as in each of my meditation sessions, the notes taken after meditating were a direct result of the intentions that I consciously decided prior to meditating. To emulate the practice I use in my meditation sessions, read: A Cocktail for The Soul.

Note: Everything within bold text (section headlines included) or parenthesis (except for the squiggly kind) and brackets was added at the time of this publication to organize / clarify and or add afterthought to the notes at the time of publishing.

Hacking The Worth: Mastering feelings and motivation

  • Self-esteem rooted in the past can hold us back. Should be rooted in the future w goals we can “feel”.
  • We have to feel worthy of feeling good / how / we want to feel.
  • We have to believe in the things we want to feel.
  • Just as we need to have love for someone to feel love for them we need to have exciting goals to feel excited about them. We cannot will ourselves to authentically feel something about a thing that is not there. In this way how can we have a good day when we don’t first believe it is / or (and?) have designed it to be.
  • Do feelings come before or after (strike-through verbatim from notepad) Are subjective feelings rooted in belief or perception? They must be preconceived ideas for us to perceive them (The root feeling / trigger must have been preconceived at some earlier point in time. i.e., our base concept of fear and love.) Prime the pump (underline verbatim). Influence both the tangible {circumstances} and the intangible {beliefs} factors that determine the desired experience / feelings we want.
  • Feelings predetermine experience.
  • Can we then effectively motivate ourselves and design life based on desired emotional states? [Kismet / bashert / providence / spiritual serendipity: I am now reading the book: The Desire Map, which is precisely about this process, hmm..]
  • Why aren’t we naturally wired like this [to be motivated by our core desired feelings]. What is our default mode of motivation? {pain/pleasure <- avoid/gain?}
  • Hack the “worth” (.) it’s about feeling worthy of our (desired) emotions / feelings.
  • How can we use this (Hacking the worth) [Perhaps we do this when we consciously step into the peaceful awareness of experiencing our thoughts as an almost external facet of reality rather than the dominating force of our inner reality – and from here we can ‘hack the worth’) to acquire emotional mastery over powerful negative feelings?
  • How do you combat the fear of procrastination / inaction? {motivation?} [Need to “hack the worth” and edit our stories: see: thisthis, and this.]
  • If we want change we have to untie our identity to past / present circumstances (reconcile who we are and what we are capable of in a separate/independent context from our present circumstance and past experience) and not just want change but be truly ready for it and prepared to accept it into our life.

Stepping into Stillness: Peaceful Awareness (Freedom from Thought) and Conscious Examination (Objective / Internal Perception)

  • When the mind wanders observe and question why it has wandered to a thought / idea / daydream. What is the underlying understanding or belief our subconscious is ideating {most people don’t even know why they think what they (the things and thoughts they) think} [?].
  • Our mind is often creating thoughts to reconcile subconscious feelings / justify feelings we have. We end up being a robot to these thoughts and basing our external reality on them instead of questioning why [said] thoughts are popping into our head and why we are experiencing [said] feelings. {gym guy w weights} (Footnote 1).
  • Could these wanderings be potential concepts, stories, or messages the subconscious is using the conscious mind to communicate [?].
  • Does the conscious mind just react.? Is it an imperfect vehicle because we aren’t self-aware and introspective enough of our own conscious thoughts / cognition [?].
  • In a way most all of us are at the mercy of our thoughts until we step put of them and into stillness / inner reality where we begin to experience our thoughts as a more external happening of reality (Footnote 2).
  • Is this (experiencing our thoughts as a ‘happening’ much like we experience the external world as ‘a happening’) what self-awareness is? {The experience of the self from a more internal perception.} Habitual active introspection / examination / higher consciousness evaluation (evaluation of our thoughts and feelings from a ‘higher level of consciousness’).
  • It feels like a more powerful way of being {peaceful awareness}. No longer lost in your (my) thoughts (Or perhaps the concept is expressed better simply as: ‘No longer lost in thought.’)
  • All opinions are judgements in the [this] sense we need to examine what feelings are judgements too.
  • To listen without judging means to listen with conscious love and appreciation.
  • Every interaction is an opportunity to learn. Every emotion is too [as well].
  • Unbiased examination / objective examination of our thoughts / feelings / emotions will help us to understand what is driving them (Identification of the [authentic/soul based] inner feelings, desires, fears, and biases behind our thoughts) and who we really are {the soul}.

Footnote 1: An positive experience where I examined my thoughts happened at the gym recently. A guy had left about a half-dozen sets of dumbbells on the floor near to where I was working out. I automatically (felt as if I) wanted to punch him and felt an overpowering sense of loathing for this stranger. It was so strong that knew I had to take a deep breath and a mental step back and consciously examine my thoughts. From this perspective I realized that there have been plenty of times where I have likely done things that have caused other people to loathe me – and the truth was, I didn’t know this guy – but he likely wasn’t trying to infuriate me, and being emotionally crippled by his actions was silly.

Footnote 2: This concept of experiencing our thoughts as a more external happening of reality is surely influenced by the following quote (From this Alan Watts audio I have been listening to): “And soon you will find that the so-called ‘outside world’ and the so-called ‘inside world’ come together – they are ‘a happening’. Your thoughts are ‘a happening’ just like the sounds going on outside and everything is simply a happening and all you’re doing is watching.”]

Meditations Session One: On Stories and The Waking Dream, Self-Worth, and Happiness

Update: 11/5/2014

I’ve just published a new entry on story and personal mythology, which this compliments excellently – enjoy.


Technically, these are the second set of notes originated through my newfound journey into meditation. The first were published in my entry: Transcendental Realizations.

Per my previous post, I am going to attempt to make a habit of transcribing the handwritten notes written at the end of each meditative experience into sessions which I will publish here. The only caveats being that I am unsure whether or not my future meditations will maintain the same transcendent quality as the initial experiences – and additionally, whether the act of publishing the notes itself will somehow hinder my ability to achieve the same egolessness required to produce them. But I’m excited at the prospect of being able to continue this journey and incorporate these experiences into the journey that is 7Saturdays.

Note: Everything within bold text (section headlines included) or parenthesis (except for the squiggly kind) and brackets was added at the time of this publication to organize / clarify and or add afterthought to the notes at the time of publishing.

Attl: Typing these up as I watch Cloud Atlas, one of my favorite movies.

Stories and The Waking Dream.

  • We’re all just acting out the stories we tell ourselves. (The way we justify our feelings based on the stories we tell ourselves about the past [how we are interpreting life])
  • Find out what your waking dream is (Your relationship to the present moment [your behavior] based on your attachments [feelings and beliefs] from past experiences.) and change it.
  • There are no other limits than that waking dream which we call reality and the degree to which we let the reality (the waking dream) of others influence our own (waking dream). (We get to decide whether we respond [by operating from our stories] or react [by operating from their stories] to others.)
  • If we’re not taking action towards the future we want, we’ll end up with the future we think we deserve.
  • If we look back at the past we’ll tend to see that we’ve created for ourselves what we felt we deserved at the time, based on the stories we told ourselves.
  • When someone says you create your reality, this is the essence of what they are talking about – everything is story (waking dream).
  • To rewrite your story you have to go into the soul and step out of the narrative of your conscious mind {thoughts} (the present) and step into your true power as a creator (where there is no past, present, or future, only the stories that guide you – these you must rewrite).

Reinterpreting Our Stories

  • This inner work is about creating a new story in which we create a new and more healthy, forgiving, accepting understanding of the past using our present relationship with reality to let go. Then the past no longer has the same power over our future.
  • (Reinterpreting our understanding of the past (our stories) to change the roots of our beliefs and feelings requires us to use both the positive experiences we’ve had in life and our vision for the future experiences we desire to establish more rational and empowering beliefs and feelings, which will then shape the waking dream we desire.)

Letting Go of the Past

  • Letting go of the past is about forgiving yourself and others (for the past) for the way you’ve felt (you feel about the past).
  • Holding onto the past is about the emotional reaction we have to it. We can only release ourselves from that reaction once we’ve forgiven ourselves for our feelings and let go of our attachment to them.
  • We must resolve the past attachments that are preventing us from feeling good enough about our future self.

Questions About The Past

  • What beliefs from the past are holding you back from feeling worthy?
  • What fears do you have that are stopping you from feeling fully deserving of your desires. (?)
  • (Q:) What events in the past cause those fears, and how can we forgive and let go. (?) (A:) By reinterpreting our understanding of them (the events in the past that cause our fears) with more rational and empowering beliefs based on the positive experiences we’ve had in life.
  • What experiences are those beliefs rooted in and how can we reinterpret our stories of them from a healthier, more rational perspective? (See: Reinterpreting Our Stories).

The Past and Fear

  • Fear is rooted in past attachments {feelings / beliefs}, outcomes and experiences.
  • It doesn’t serve us to base our present relationship with life on our fears. (Hence, why we need to reinterpret our stories.)

Questions About The Future

  • What do you need to to do to create that you deserve the future you want {dreams}. (?)
  • What do you need to be doing each day to create both inner peace – present centered actions – {gym, meditate, writing, walking} with (and) future centered actions {(i.e.,) work, goal setting, planning}?
  • Which activities are beneficial to both (inner peace and the future) {meditation, inner-work, self-reflection, introspection, breathing, and envisioning}?
  • Which activities, habits are counter to both (inner peace and the future) / unhealthy {self-pity, getting caught up in past emotional traps, self-destructive behaviors} (?)
  • Which needs of yours cause the needs that you have (<- recursive thinking, or unintentional sentence error…hmm) that trigger those unhealthy / self-destructive behaviors. (?)
  • What inner work do you need to do on yourself to address your unhealthy needs?
  • What desired emotional states are driving those unhealthy needs. (?)
  • What beliefs of yours do you have that are driving your needs for those emotional states. (?) {i.e., if I am loved then I am worthy.}
  • What stories are behind those beliefs?
  • What inner work do you need to do on those beliefs to transform them into healthy / empowering beliefs. (?)
  • How can you reinterpret them (your stories about the past) to more accurately reflect the reality you want for your future. (?)
  • The stories you tell yourself are going to determine the stories your children tell.
  • What stories did your parents tell themselves (The feelings and beliefs they had that originated from their outcomes and experiences in life) that you need to let go of (i.e., stop responding to life from their stories). (?)

Self Worth

  • Being happy with what you have is about being happy with who you are.
  • We accept the love and the life we feel we deserve.
  • If we want something we must believe we are worthy of it.
  • We believe we can achieve the things we think we are worthy of.
  • Feeling worthy of a thing (love, success, a goal) is about feeling good enough for it.
  • The inner work of building a new relationship with the past is the key to building a new relationship with yourself.
  • Carry yourself so that your esteem is worthy of your dreams and then your actions will be.
  • Self worth ultimately requires nothing more than self-love. Build abundant self-love and you will have no problem feeling worthy of abundance in life.
  • (All of the above can be worked on by doing the inner work of reinterpreting our stories.)

Happiness

  • Separating feelings (soul based, self-aware stories) from thoughts (conscious mind, outer world, unconscious stories) is one of the most empowering skills you can develop… to learn to feel from the soul (inner world) is to access the divine wisdom of the soul’s ability to perceive the world from a loving and unattached (unattached from the thoughts, ego, and outcomes of the outer world) perspective. This is the key to happiness.
  • (Examining and reinterpreting the underlying stories that shape our beliefs is essential to growing the compassionate self-awareness we need to operate from soul based / self-aware stories.)

Note: If you’re still not sold on why you need to reinterpret your stories, read my entry: The Power to Change Your Life.

Transcendental Realizations

I had an experience recently that opened my eyes to a kind of transcendence of the self. Some call it self-realization, ego-death or awakening. It’s difficult to even write about because it was not a conscious, reality based experience. In fact I’ve been waiting to publish this because I wanted to give myself time to internalize it before typing up my notes. I also plan on meditating on each of these for further insights and internalization.

I would say this was unequivocally one of the most powerful experiences of my life. I’m not kidding when I say that many of these realizations opened up life for me in ways that I never dreamed would be possible.

That being said, I’m not a meditation teacher or a spiritual guide, and I’m not going to advise you on how to achieve this yourself. Each person’s path is different and what’s right for one person is not right for another. But I want to share the realizations I had as a result of this experience and organize them so I can return to these powerful truths.

Remember, this information came to me in a state that was outside of my normal waking consciousness. Take each bit of information with either a grain of salt or a gold ingot depending on whether or not it speaks to your soul. And no, there were no recreational drugs involved. This was a meditative, solo, soul-seeking journey designed to help me break through the conscious and subconscious barriers that were keeping me grounded in a reality I didn’t like.

The notes that follow were written in my notebook directly after this transcendental journey (which I meditated for over an hour before beginning to prepare for and to sow the mental seeds for the questions I wanted answers to). Note: Everything within bold text or parenthesis was added at the time of this publication to organize / clarify.

Inner Peace (Presence) & Fear

  • Inner peace = presence.
  • There is inner peace. It’s really special. It’s nowhere to reach because it’s inside of you; you must go to it.
  • It’s more powerful than fear.
  • To escape fear return to presence.
  • My biggest fear is being scared and lonely and not knowing what to do.
  • There is no dark place within you. You do not go there, you only create dark energy if you allow yourself to become it.
  • There is no future / then. There is only presence. And it’s not present, but presence. Not a place, but the ritual of living in the now.
  • You can find love and inner peace in a hopeless place.
  • We can only BE in the present/presence.

Inner & Outer Reality

  • The inner and the outer reality are really two different things. You can be a master to the inner or a slave to the outer.
  • The outer world is false.
  • The soul perceives. We’ve just been taught to believe that the outer world is true. It’s not real vs. fake, (inner and outer) but true vs. false.
  • Personality can be the construct of the outer or the reality of the inner.
  • Doubt is stupid  <- Outer.
  • Ask if what you are feeling is outer or inner. All worry / fear is outer.

Love / Reality

  • Love is the only real thing. It’s in everything.
  • Beauty isn’t real. Only the truth is beautiful / Pure love.
  • We’re all connected, but we’re connected only by love. Our different realities separate us.
  • We all create our own realities. We cannot allow ourselves to get sucked into the reality of another. I am the creator of my reality.

Moments & Memories

  • Memories are like the cool side of the pillow. Use them that way – for good.
  • Beautiful moments won’t last forever. Enjoy them.

Happiness

  • Doing something cannot make us happy, only we can make happiness. It’s the universe’s illogical truth.

Inner Voice / Thoughts

  • All the ‘voices’ in you (i.e., the cynic, the bummer, the achiever), you created them and you shape them. (Interesting addition to the quote: “The way you speak to your children becomes their inner voice”.)

Appearance / Behavior

  • The way we present ourselves (appearance) is a choice merely to make us feel good based on how we feel the outer world perceives us.
  • Behavior is how we react to the present.

Opportunity

  • When a door opens in life, you mustn’t be afraid to enter it or you will never enter it. (This is a great compliment to the Benjamin Button quote: “Our lives are defined by opportunities; even the ones we miss.“)

The Body: Pain & Relaxation

  • Tenseness is held in the body. (relax the body)
  • Pain in the body represents body held / world held (outer reality?) pain. It is not inside of you (inner reality?).

Creating & Achieving  (Trusting For The Future)

  • Reality is just something you create.
  • The future is only as uncertain as our present action is allowing it to be. Shape it all.
  • (Q: How do you make decisions?) (A:) You decide / make decisions based on what you want the future outcome to be.
  • (Q: How do you decide what you want your future outcome to be?) (A:) YOU DESIGN IT.
  • (Q: How do you design it?) (A:) You cultivate your tastes, explore, imagine, self-inquiry. DISCOVER.
  • (How do you know if something is the right thing, in terms of life designing?) You know what you like.
  • Realization will come when you need it. (The fairy godmother of the soul ;)

Update: For anyone interested in their own transcendental journey, I’m not recommending you should load the universe into a cannon aim at brain and fire – but a Cocktail for The Soul is a great jumping off point and was a huge part of the experience for me.